I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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