i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
