I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
