Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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