He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
