I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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