I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
