More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just google imaged poop.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
