Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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