How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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