Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
