Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
