thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
