WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
