Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my liver is dry heaving
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
