somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
