She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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