just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Rumble strips road head = magical
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
