She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
