thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
