Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
