i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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