There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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