I need to stop coming to work sober
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
