i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
