I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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