is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
