So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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