she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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