like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
