i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
sex in a hospital.. check
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
