my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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