Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
