i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
