there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
