the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
