i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
