Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
