I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
