So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
