I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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