things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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