I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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