You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
