we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
