i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
