how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
