One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
