i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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