i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
