Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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