I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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