listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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